It’s very common to use expressions like money is never enough, money doesn’t grow on trees, money goes to money or you need to work hard and long to earn money etc when we talk about money. We may have heard these expressions in our family and we adopted them without fully understanding what they mean.
If we believe that money is never enough, then our actions, decisions and feelings will be determined by these beliefs. We will worry that the money is not enough even if we have millions in the bank. The more money we have, the more expensive our needs tend to become. So let’s see what we can do to change these beliefs.
First, let’s look at a common mechanism that almost all of us unconsciously use. When we have a strong belief about ourselves that we fully accept and don’t challenge, it finds ways of expression through situations that seem irrelevant.
If I believe I’m not good enough and compare myself to others, I will always feel less good about something. This way of thinking often starts in childhood. If I think that what I do is not good enough, I will unconsciously express it through my financial situation, academic performance, romantic relationships etc.
Our beliefs are like water desperately looking for a way out. Expressions like money is never enough always express something we feel inside. That is the main reason why we feel so bad about ourselves when we are facing financial problems.
If for all the expressions we use for money we replace the word money and its place with the word I, we will have a very good idea of the beliefs we hold about ourselves and our relationships. That is, instead of saying that money is never enough, we can say that I’m not good enough. Money is not enough because I am not good enough to achieve my goal, my effort is not enough. Whatever I do I can’t keep money is like saying that no matter what I do I can’t keep people and therefore love in my life.
Other times we express feelings and fears. We may say, ‘I am afraid I will lose money, I do not have a stable income, my money is running low because I spend it all and I’ll be broke by the end of the month. Here we express fears that have to do again with our relationships and the people in our lives. By saying, I am afraid of losing my money we express the fear of abandonment. Also, when we say that my money doesn’t last long means I don’t have people when I need them, I don’t have support, security, predictability, stability in my life etc.
Other times we relieve one stress with another. We may feel anxious about our relationships for example but instead of working on it, we transfer the stress to money. If we use money as a stress relief mechanism, it is normal that we will have great resistance to changing it. Our financial issues keep us safe in some way. We just need to understand that we can adopt healthier ways in order to feel safe.
Many of these connections come out very often in EFT sessions. Once we change the sentences about money slightly, we notice how uncomfortable the person becomes. This is a confirmation that money is not the real issue here.
So to change your relationship with money you must first improve your relationship with yourself. But that alone is not enough. You also need to improve the way you perceive money and the way you manage it.
Below, you will find a list of things you can do to start working on your finances.
- Write on a piece of paper all your beliefs about money such as ‘money is never enough, money goes to money etc.
- Change the sentences and replace the word money with I.
- Write down the reasons why you feel this way about yourself. Does it have to do with the environment you grew up in and the messages you received? Write as many details as possible.
- Write down about the time your financial problems started, what was going on in your life then? Unless you’ve never had enough money, why do you think it happens, write it down.
- Financial problems provoke feelings of shame, feelings of being trapped, fear of abandonment, and of losing safety and security. For what other situations in your life do you have similar emotions, regardless of money?
- How, what and who could help you overcome your issues with money. Is he a therapist, an accountant, a financial advisor or all of those professionals together? If so, how much money will you need for this help and where can you find that money?
This work will give you a very good idea of why you are in financial trouble right now and why you’ve never had enough money. When you start making this list you will immediately feel that you have started to deal with your issues. Just make this little start to change your situation. It depends on you and only you can change it.